Altered States

"Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!"
~ George Taylor (Charlton Heston), Planet of the Apes

Talking apes on horseback. That's what some days are. Weird, surreal, and sometimes Charlton Heston shows up in a loincloth.

This week's been as ugly as the weekend was pleasant. Insomnia. Migraines. Grief percolating to the top again. Disturbing images of Charlton Heston in a loincloth.

One disquieting thought, worse than the Heston thing, has just begun to haunt me.  As time goes on, I change from "Johnie and Linda" to Widower John, Marital Zombie. As grief plods on, changing me in subtle and not so subtle ways, I ask myself: If Linda were to return to me today, would she still love me? Would she like me? Would she give me that smile and that sparkle? Will I change so much I'm no longer the "Johnie" part of "Johnie and Linda"?

...and why would a loin-clothed Charlton Heston figure so prominently in my imagination today?